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The Previous Grand Mufti (aka Max Brooks)
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 15th, 2009|11:39 am] |
Lol. Dipshit on Twitter makes a video around my snark. |
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| AWARD WINNING BARBECUE SAUCE |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|09:14 pm] |
John Cleese once said that the inspiration for Fawlty Towers was a real-life concierge at a hotel in Cornwall.
Well, I now kind of know what he felt like.
We went tonight to a place called "Roadhouse BBQ" on Highway 101. It was a combo-birthday-party for Brianna's parents, and Brianna's dad was keen on getting a steak at this place, but he leaves out the "BBQ" part. Maybe he didn't. I didn't hear it. I thought we were going to a steakhouse or something, because all I caught was "He wants steak!"
Anyway, we get there, and it has the sign with the pig on it, straight out of The Simpsons. The pig was wearing a little chef's hat and a napkin. Yes.
We get to this place, and it's incredibly tiny. It was like some dude's house, and the group of eight we had were crammed into the corner of a dinky dining room, and then we met the waiter.
Clearly, this was indeed the waiter of a place called "Roadhouse BBQ".
He was quite large. And not in the vertical. He was quite round, and he made the already tiny space that much more claustrophobic. Considering that I'm both claustrophobic and agoraphobic (I know, it's weird, there's a very thin window where I feel safe), this was strange. Then, of course, he went into his spiel:
HI I'M JOHN I'LL BE YOUR WAITER TONIGHT WELCOME TO ROADHOUSE BARBECUE HOME OF THE AWARD WINNING ROADHOUSE BARBECUE BARBECUE SAUCEMAKE SURE TO LOOK AT OUR SPECIALS TONIGHT'S SPECIALS ARE HOT LINK SAUSAGE AND BLACK AND BLUE STEAK THEY ARE ALL QUITE DELICIOUS AND IF YOU LOOK IN YOUR MENU YOU'LL FIND THE STEAK TIPS WHICH ARE MY PERSONAL FAVORITE, ALL OF OUR SMOKED SELECTION IS AVAILABLE WITH OUR AWARD WINNING BARBECUE SAUCE, AWARD WINNING AWARD WINNING AWARD WINNINGAWARDWINNINGAWARDWINNINGAWARDWINNINGAWARDWINNING.
This guy said "AWARD WINNING" at least 400 times in the space of an hour.
What really cracked me up is that there were at least three WAITRESSES, all of whom were thin, attractive blonde girls in Daisy Dukes, and they weren't doing anything. This tells me a little something about the management, and poor Award Winning guy is the one doing the dishes at the end of the night.
Anyway, it was colorful, to say the least, but more in the "well that's an experience that we can talk about for years to come but thankfully we likely won't HAVE to go back there ever again" way.
Icing on the cake was a dude crammed into another table near us who was in his early 20s with his parents, wearing the hipster beard, and talking intensely and quickly about something. He was intense about whatever it was he was talking about, and he was gesturing wildly the whole time. He was also contorted into a weird position with his legs up and his back against the wall just because there wasn't any other space at all. I pitied the guy, because he really seemed interesting and like somebody I'd like to talk to outside of a shitty barbecue place. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|11:42 am] |
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Giving rights to the unborn is only a slippery slope to giving rights to the unicorn. Do we really want unicorns voting? I know I don't. Unicorns are 3/5s a person for the purposes of legislature representation, AND I'LL BE DEAD IN THE COLD, COLD GROUND BEFORE I ACCEPT THE UNICORN AS A FREEMASON. LET THEM FOUND THEIR OWN CONCORDANT BODY, BUT THE SACRED BROTHERHOOD CANNOT BE SPOILED BY A HORSE WITH A NARWHAL'S HORN ON IT'S FOREHEAD. THAT WAY LIES MADNESS. |
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| "The best comedy this season!" "If you see only one Judicial Committee this year, make it this one!" |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|11:20 am] |
The hearing was briefly interrupted by somebody who shouted inside the Hart Senate Office Building room.
"Senator, what about the rights of the unborn," shouted a middle-aged white male.
The person was swiftly removed by police as Mr. Leahy admonished the person and others who might try a similar effort.
Shortly thereafter, a vampire and a mummy were preemptively asked to leave. |
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| OH GOD NO NOT THE BEES NOT THE BEES |
[Jul. 11th, 2009|02:54 pm] |
My Nicholas Cage Moment of the day:
I'm using my dad's truck to move my mom's furniture. I go to put gas in the tank. I open the gas flappy door thingie (do those things actually have a name?) AND INSIDE IS A BEE'S NEST AND SEVERAL VERY ANGRY AND PISSED OFF BEES.
Needless to say, I coasted home rather than risk annoying the bees further.
/oslo
The Carls are a'flutter about Persona 4. This comic is about me, if I were playing Persona 4, which apparently has an interior decorating mini-game, which apparently would appeal to my tastes in gaming. I am the Helmet Dude.
I only play video games where the collection of furniture/pretty dresses is a sufficient percentage of playtime. Someday I'll write a TTRPG entirely about my obsession. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2009|09:22 pm] |
New userpic.
"Get Me Hennimore!" is the awesomest fake television show that should actually exist. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|12:21 am] |
So, today I mowed the lawn, which was the biggest mistake I've made in a very long time.
I wound up feeling like I had somehow had a magical brick teleported into my sinuses. My eyes were burning, I couldn't breathe out of my nose, and I was sneezing every five seconds for 15 minutes. This is not an exaggeration.
Anyway, after downing some Claritin, which might as well have just bounced, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands and track down the damn Neti-Pot. I did this because last time I felt like this, I got an ear infection, and I was in bed for two weeks in absolute agony. I'm due for my every-other-year ear infection fairly shortly, since I'm one of those guys who just rarely gets sick. Allergies, yes. Sick, no. I'm not going to allow my allergies to mutate into sick, which has happened.
This horrible device hails from the Far East, where nasal irrigation is apparently the coolest thing ever. It consists of a little blue plastic pot, with a tight lid, and 100 packets of sodium chloride and baking soda, which is put into lukewarm water and rammed up the nose. I'm surprised there isn't any gay porn fetishes growing up out of this procedure, it's just so damn ludicrous looking that you'd just assume that somebody somewhere is jerking off to the Neti-Pot.
So, after preparing the packing and the lukewarm water, I proceed to ram the spouty end of the tea pot up my nostril, and allow the water to swish and swash around in my nasal canals, and indeed it works. I could feel vast glaciers of whatever the hell was in my nose slowly breaking up and drizzling down. The problem, however, was that I also felt as if I was being waterboarded, and my "Help help I'm drowning!" mechanisms starting to kick in.
There you have it. Possibly the strangest thing I've done in a while: stick a tea pot up my nose. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2009|09:45 pm] |
The Ravenite Social Club, meeting place for gangsters such as Carlo Gambino and John Gotti, is now a Starbucks.
Sigh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2009|04:18 pm] |
Jul 4 1984
For the first time, Nancy Reagan utters the immortal words: "Just say no." |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2009|04:39 pm] |
Lol, somebody just referred to adorablepuppies as "sophisticated".
So damn many things can be referred as "sophisticated", but adorablepuppies is not one of those things. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|12:07 pm] |
Forward this to everybody you know. This needs to be the new "Mission Accomplished". Throw this in their faces. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2009|12:07 am] |
Sorry I haven't updated the LJ in awhile, I've been busy painting, drawing and playing Wii. Most specifically, I'm playing Wii Fit and Paper Mario on the Virtual Console.
While the N64 was by and large a forgettable system, what it did excel in was eccentricity. The N64 established Nintendo's future tendency toward insularity and self-referentialism. With the sheer weirdness that is Majora's Mask and the oddball idiosyncracy of Conker's Bad Fur Day, Paper Mario is possibly the strangest of them all.
I enjoyed this game back in college during a Christmas break, and I recall it being a pleasant bit of fluff then. Now, it's downright sunny. Everything about this game is warm and friendly and accessible. For an RPG, it's clever and efficient. Nintendo's RPGs, including Pokemon, are very stripped down as far as RPGs go. Paper Mario takes the stripped, power-by-possession rules of Pokemon and sucks it down into an even more compact form. There's tons of customization and exploration possibilities, but it's not anywhere near as fiddly as other video game RPGs tend to be.
As for Wii Fit, I'm up to 30 minutes a day, and I've just unlocked the Island Lap, so I'm coming out of it just drenched. I'm absolutely awful at yoga, I'm getting better at the strength exercises, but where I really have fun is the aerobics exercises. The step aerobics are a DDR style rhythm game and the island jog is downright charming. I adore it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2009|03:15 pm] |
Well, I got the Wii Fit for my birthday.
On the downside, it says that I'm overweight (duh). On the plus side, it says my "physical age" is 28, which is good news on one's 29th birthday. It has a time piggy bank on it, so that you can keep track of how much time you spend on it and don't underutilize/overspend yourself on it. My ideal time is 30 minutes a day, with three segments spent on the jogging game.
I really can't recommend it enough, it's pretty nice for those of us who don't really see ourselves in with the gym crowd. My main problem with starting just about anything, be it music lessons or exercise or anything involving a time investment on a regular basis, is that I hate being instructed. Give me the basics, tell me what I need to do and how often, and I'll figure it out myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2009|04:17 pm] |
This is just too bizarre to be believed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2009|05:32 am] |
Three adorablepuppieses done.
No, there will never be puppies in it. Bunnies, kitties and a raccoon shaped hand puppet, but no puppets.
That hand puppet is a cock. |
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| Coil of Embrace |
[Jun. 22nd, 2009|04:03 pm] |
From a discussion on the White Wolf forums, where a nitwit had a ludicrous idea for a Coil that didn't make any sense but had a spark of originality to it, here's my take on this rather original idea for a new Coil.
Coil of Embrace
The Coil of Embrace is a relatively experimental Coil that, as yet, has a great many sketchy proponents and few actual scientific Control experiments with which to deduce whether or not this Coil should be pursued as "legal" within the Ordo Dracul. The official ruling from the Sworn of the Mysteries has yet to arrive. It is clear, however, that they are observing the results and seeing just what exactly can be done about it.
The chief moral concern that the Sworn of the Mysteries holds is the worry that the Ordo Dracul's newfound abilities of Embrace might cheapen and lessen the impact of the Great Work as a whole. More vampires in the world, and more vampires in the world with access to spurious Coils, slackens the Ordo's control over its teachings. This is, without a doubt, the most worrisome detail.
First Tier: The Warmest Chill
With this tier, the Dragon does not need to feed the monthly maintenance Vitae to his ghouls. The ghoul will still need to procure Vitae from his Regnant as usual, but on an as-needed basis or in preparation for necessity, with all threats of Vinculum intact.
Second Tier: The Curse Lightened
The second tier allows a vampire to Embrace another childe without the expenditure of a Willpower dot. The Sworn of the Mysteries are obviously distressed about this new discovery, since profligate Embraces run a risk of the Masquerade.
Third Tier: The Embrace of Death
Perhaps the most controversial Coil, and the one the Sworn of the Mysteries most vehemently question, The Embrace of Death turns Diablerie on it's ass and into something far more hideous. Even worse, it can't be proven anyone has it until they're being Diablerized.
Upon a successful attempt to Diablerize the Dragon with this Coil, the Dragon is allowed a roll equal to the total number of her Coils, contested against the Diablerist's Blood Potency. If more successes are gained in favor of the Dragon, the Dragon's soul immediately transfers into the body of the would-be Diablerist. The mental/social Disciplines of the Dragon are lost, however, the physical Disciplines of the Diablerist are kept. Furthermore, the Dragon's Coils are maintained and immediately adopted by the new host body. No Diablerie marks the new Dragon's aura. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2009|07:34 pm] |
It occurs to me that a vampire could theoretically live on a diet of gravy, since gravy is just blood and flour/cornstarch.
Imagine the KFC vampire. |
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